talkin’ that classy trash

Today we welcome the Cleveland Indians to town.  For the next three days, they are Public Enemy #1.  While we will be polite if we see members of the team grabbing dinner on the Plaza, it is our job to make sure they are duly destracted during the actual game.  It helps our team out, and creates that imposing home field advantage.

But there is a fine line to talking trash.  You don’t talk about the women in player’s lives, be it their mothers, girlfriends or otherwise.  You don’t bring up race, either explicitly or implicitly.  No homophobic remarks.  And try to keep the language PG, because it is a family atmosphere, afterall.

And for the sake of all things Royal blue, please be creative.  I hate it when I’m at the game and some idiot starts screaming, “You Suck!!!!!!!!!!” as loud as he can.  It makes me want to turn around and yell back.  “No, sir.  You are the one who is sucking!!!!  Your taunts are unimaginative, and make us Kansas Citians look ignorant!!!”

So let’s lay out some tips for talkin’ that classy trash:

  • Do your homework.  Back in the early 90’s, Michigan’s Fab Five mastered this.  They would memorize the opposing team’s stats, and recite them back when players were shooting free throws.  We’re lucky in that we have a big ol’ high def cheat sheet out in center field to help us out.  Find the players who are struggling and remind them they are struggling.
  • Go after the city itself.  Wear down the opposition by making them feel like the city on the front of their jersey is something to be ashamed of.
  • Be funny.  You don’t want a player going all Vernon Maxwell on you because you lathered them up to a point of extreme rage.  But if you can make them laugh, you know you got in their head while not getting your own head pounded in.


With all that being said, the main player to go after is Grady Sizemore with his .220 BA.  Not only can you remind him of that, but you can also remind him that it’s 36 points lower than last year.  And yet, he still has the most AB’s of any playe ron the team.  Lucky.

In the event that a portly player comes into the game, I’d suggest loudly asking when the Indians signed Drew Carey.

“How does it feel to know that Cleveland loves LeBron James more than your whole entire team?”

When a Cleveland player makes a poor play, start chanting “Cleveland Rocks!!! Cleveland Rocks!!!!”

When a Cleveland player makes a poor play on Wed, console him with the friendly reminder that nobody saw  the mistake since everyone in Cleveland is watching the Cavs game.

Feel free to add your own suggestions.  Sometimes it’s easier to brainstorm when you have a little something to get things rolling.


Go Blue


One Response to “talkin’ that classy trash”

  1. Nate Lewis Says:

    Hilarious videos! Nicely done True Blue. Relevant, classy, trash talking examples.

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